Thump, thump, thump.

My thumbs vibrate against my phone’s touchscreen as I navigate to the Creatorskind Instagram page. I’m looking for some encouragement.

I find it in a recent post, added after a long hiatus. Littered with buzzing bees for emphasis, it says, “Just be. I’m in it with you. – Jesus.” This is the reminder, the calming salve I needed.

I’m heartbroken. There’s someone in my life that I had to release, actually, more than one. And it hurts.

I’m tempted to believe that no one understands, that I’m all alone in this, and that no one hurts more than me. But that’s not true – not today, not ever.

And the Holy Spirit who, thankfully, lives within me, is more than willing to remind me of this eternal fact. I am not alone. Though I can’t see it tangibly, I know that Jesus is in it with me.

In the grieving over what could have been.
In the back-tracking and over-thinking.
In the worries about what the future might bring. In the ups and mostly downs, he’s there, riding the waves with me.

Then I remember something that stops me in my tracks, realizing it could ONLY be the Holy Spirit reminding me that I asked for this… all of it.

Isn’t this outcome wrapped in my prayer for discernment? My prayer for wisdom? My prayer for courage to make the hard choices and do the hard things?

I didn’t expect things to turn out this way. Division. Separation. The parting of ways.  Never in a million years. But, yes. I asked for all of this.

In response, God gave me what I asked for. Not for better or worse, but always for my good, because that’s all God does.

And now, with the details brought into focus and the hard decisions made, it’s just me and God again.

But in my sorrow, the question that occurs to me is this: Is that enough?

Part II