Posted on by She Who Rises

Beware. This is war.

Sometimes I forget that I’m in a war.

Life moves along at its own pace and my attention to that war waxes and wanes depending on what’s happening day to day.

When things are running smoothly, I often forget about it altogether. But when an area of life blows up, I am astonished, wondering what happened to my peaceful reverie, if I’m not offended by the disruption altogether.

But the truth is that the war is on-going. Like a frog in an increasingly warm pot of water, I’m right in the thick of it, even if I don’t realize it at the time. Whether I’m paying attention or not, there are plans being made and implemented with the goal of taking me out. 

Why? Because I have an enemy. Not an enemy dressed up in a red suit and horns. But an enemy who stealthily finds their way into the events of my life and tries to use them against me.

The tactics may differ. It might come through a tempting scenario – something I have qualms about, but kind of want to do anyway. Or it might be suffering through an illness, a deep reaching hurt inflicted by another or even an accomplishment that blows my head up.

Anything that makes me take my eyes off of the goodness of God and the path forward.

It’s treacherous territory. Because no matter what it looks like on the surface, best believe that the design is always to pull me away from God, in whatever way that works – pleasure, pain, pride, you name it. Because then, more than any other time, I’m truly vulnerable.

But thank God for the Holy Spirit and praying friends, because throughout the trials of the past month, I’ve been reminded that not only am I in a war, but that I’ve got weapons. Here’s some big ones:

1. God’s Name

Call God by his names that fit with what you need in prayer. Remind God of his track record in situations like this (there’s about 100 names, but here’s a few):
– Jehovah Jireh (God my provider)
– Jehovah Shalom (God my peace)
– El Nathan Naqamah (God who avenges me)
– Jehovah Gibbor (The Lord strong and mighty)
– Jehovah Sabaoth (God of Angel Armies)
– Jehovah Shammah (God who is here)
– Jehovah Rapha (God who heals)
– El Roi (God who sees me)
– Jehovah Metsudhathi (God my fortress)
For a reference, try “The Ultimate Guide to The Names of God” by Elmer Towns

2. Your voice and God’s word

Speak God’s word about the specific problem OUT LOUD. Volume doesn’t matter. It could be a shout or a whisper, but say it. There’s power in your words, so use it.
– The Lord has declared that he will restore me to health and heal all my wounds (Jeremiah 30:17)
– Though the enemy comes against me one way, he will flee from me in seven ways (Deuteronomy 28:7)
– The Lord forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases (Psalm 103:3)
– The Lord has given me the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16)
– The Lords heals my broken heart and binds up my wounds (Psalm 147:3) – God didn’t give me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) – If God be for me, who can be against me? (Roman’s 8:31)
– Psalm 91 is about God’s protection and help in battle. It’s a perfect add-on to any prayer

For a reference, try “The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word” by Joyce Meyer. This little book is filled with scripture verses organized into categories that relate to life’s situations.

3. Worship

Who praises when facing trouble? People who know that help is on the way, that’s who.

Let God know how much of your heart he has and that you remember what he’s done for you before. Here’s a few songs for your rotation:
– Love you that much By: Mary Mary
– Still By: Mali Music
– My Everything By: Bri Babineaux
– The Worship Medley By: Ty Tribbett
– Stay Here By: The Belonging Co.
– Sweet Spirit By: God’s Property
– My Refuge By: Rivers and Robots
– Holy Spirit By: Jesus Culture
– Insatiable By: Kim Walker-Smith
– Do It Again By: Anthony Evans or Elevation Collective
– There’s Nothing By: Amanda Cook
– You don’t miss a thing By: Bethel Music & Amanda Cook – Open Space By: Housefires
– Highest Praise By: Amanda Cook
– Oxygen By: Steffany Gretzinger
– You’re Not Finished Yet By: The Belonging Co.
– Eyes on You By: Mosaic MSC

4. Repeat daily

You Got This. ❤

Posted on by She Who Rises · 1 Comment

Time Travel: This is PTSD

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or where I am. I could be reading quietly or sitting at a table eating amongst friends and, in an instant, I’m transported. The book, the table, the commotion around me withdraws and instead, I am inserted into a vivid, living moment from my past. And usually, it’s a painful one. This is PTSD.

Truly, in the span of a single breath, I have flown backwards through space and time to any one of many scenes that rotate on replay in the ether of my mind. When I arrive, it’s so real that I don’t know that I’ve been anywhere else – there’s no future to speak of, just this moment, right now, and my body makes the shift.

My heartbeat quickens, pounding in my ears. My muscles tighten and my eyes narrow as I am face to face with him, her, it, the experience, again. And I feel the emotion, the same emotion that I felt the very first time, when I lived it.

It flows freely – anger, embarrassment, confusion, hurt or shock. It’s a wave that carries me along through the scene. I speak words in my mind that never make it out of my mouth. I’m trapped.

The pain is my boat, and I can’t get out. I can’t get off. In this repeated scene, I do new things, sometimes no thing, or the same thing. The one thing I never do is leave.

I can’t break away because in this moment, I don’t remember that this isn’t real. In this moment, right now, what I see, what I feel, and this scene is all there is. And it hurts.

When this haunting memory is finished with me, it departs just as quickly as it came. My racing heart is the only trace of its having passed through. My mind clears. I’m back, but I remember where I just came from.

I take deep breaths, in and out, letting the fresh O2 soften the rigidity in my body and slow the pace of my heart. Sometimes, I cry. Maybe just a few tears, sometimes more.  It hurts to be dragged back through pain with no rhyme or reason. And it’s hard to explain.

How do you explain what feels like your own mind trying to take you out? How do you make that make sense? How do you make it plain without sounding too intense? This is what it is. And it’s just a regular day. If I told someone my daydreams hurt, they’d run away, afraid they’ll catch what has already caught me. So, I tell no-one. Instead, I pray.

My words speak of contradictions. Devotion and confusion. Praise and questioning. Struggle and surrender. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” flows from my heart, though I promise it’s not what I believe. But it is how I feel. And it comes with hot tears and anguish.

To this Lord that I love and whom I believe loves me my thoughts shout, “I thought you would deliver me … at least by now!” But out of my mouth comes, “Lord God help me,” in a whisper.

I seek God, believing that God IS; believing that I will be rewarded for my pursuit.

I put it all down in my journal, covering the lines and the margins. My words are addressed to all of Heaven and the hand that made it all. I let it all out and allow my tears to stain the pages.

When I am done, I feel a little better; a little lighter. But, tired too. I have no answers, yet somehow, I know that I have been heard. With that knowing comes a little peace and it is enough for now.

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